When arguing with other bloggers about things you've written, I finally had to say, "Things have to change for things to change." How do people expect marriage to become more equitable if it doesn't change? When people in an institution are getting results from it that they don't like, they can either get over it or change the institution. Is it really more complicated than that?

Ms. Hirshman,

Although I'm not a huge fan of your thesis, given that I'm one of the "opt-out" lawyers that you don't seem to be too fond of (left f/t work as an associate in a law firm after 8 years of practice to stay at home with my kids for a few year and am now working p/t in the legal field), I was thrilled to see that we're on the same page re: the issue of choice of a husband.

On my own blog I frequently use the phrase "Don't marry an asshole."
And, I think it's the most important thing for a woman to consider. Marrying a nice, liberal guy makes all the difference, as does communication in a marriage.

Interesting blog, and I appreciate your work, even though I don't agree with all of it.

Hi Linda,

I have e-mailed you separately a link of a NY Times "Facing middle age with no degree and no wife" (http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res
=F70A1FFF355B0C758CDDA10894DE404482). Unfortunatley I no longer have access to the full article, but this quote is a good start "About 18 percent of men ages 40 to 44 with less than four years of college have never married, according to census estimates."
These solid data show that not only educated wome who expect to work avoid men who don't seem to get their life ogether. Among other things, it said that educated women find plenty of husbands, even when they divorce and remarry in middle age. Both my current boyfriend, and the late father of my daughter, told me they were proud of my skills, my doing well at my job, my skill in never living above my income (=no debt except a low interest mortage!), my househols skills, my childrearing skills. Most of all, they loved to have someone they could have an intelligent conversation with, and both liked me to be "level headed". Just ask any guy who had a slacker wife - with or without degree... "it's better to have a scorpion in your pants".
For all I know, we women with a good education and a job we shine at (and make a living from) are hot stuff. We very much are not pityful celibates :). We enjoy the nicest and smartest guys in the sample :). And they appreciate us very much. If we left our grad school boyfriend (or husband) behind, are we to blame that they never finished their PhD and never brought in more money than they spent (and I could go on...)?
As you said in the post about all you learned from the GLBT movement, it's high time to take much pride in ourselves. That's what I find so very inspiring in your work.
Keep the good work up!
Best,

Marianne