Dear Linda,
I haven't read your book yet, but I did read the "Homeward Bound" essay, and it scares me. People my age don't care about politics, don't care about what our parents and grandparents fought for. I'm 24, and recently got my first worthy (well-paying) job. My degree is in computer science, and I'm currently working at Microsoft, programming and earning very nice money for a BS. I know I'm very smart, and I will be worth even more soon I'm sure.

I want to read your book soon. My mother went back to work and earned her BA in accounting once my younger brother hit 13, which amazes me. I know how hard it was for her now, seeing all of the wives of my friends at work. I have yet to meet a husband of a friend at work.

I don't plan on stopping working for longer than parental leave until I have enough money to retire TOGETHER with whomever I happen to be with. Currently I have a boyfriend of 4 years that I live with and who does the grocery shopping, dishes, bedmaking, and toilet cleaning. The apartment we have isn't very big, so I vaccuum, cook, and clean the tub. Occasionally.

I think that the gist of what I'm hearing here is totally right. If a woman is truly making a choice, whatever. But I am certain that most women don't make their own choice. They let someone else do it for them.

I know that every day I feel pressure on myself as a 1 in 10 female. It's really hard to not be in the female half of the "significant others" club. A wife of a coworker didn't come to a group event (all were invited) because there weren't non-geeks there, but I think it was because she thought there weren't going to be women there. Because of my major (also 1 in 10) and working here, I'm just one of the guys, and not in a good way. No one likes being the only one. I would have stayed in my career anyway, but ever since I've been outnumbered, I've felt tremendous pressure to do so.

My question - how do I get over feeling like an outcast? I need some female company once in a while too! I don't want to hang out with 35+ year old women, although they will have valuable mentor advice for me. I don't want to hang out with the jobless women, because even if they are only jobless because of a visa situation, they aren't pure peers right now. Likewise, hanging out with the Admin Assistants wouldn't really work, although they are ALL (very nice) *women*. I have met one female close to my age at work, and am trying to meet others. Concentrating on excelling only goes so far when you crave a gaggle of gals to get crazy with. What to do?

Thanks
Frustrated Microsoftie
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A Little from Linda

Dear Frustrated,

You have identified a very important problem: when there are few women at work, they are not only scrutinized more than the men, they often experience very real emotional cost of isolation. My recommendation is to find the local chapter of women in science and computing and reach outside your company for female companionship.
Such professional organizations exist in almost every town of any size and are a great way to network as well as for the support of others in similar positions. Your college alumnae association may offer other options.
and . . . consider the value of us thirty plus women. Someday soon you may be one too.
L