February 01, 2007

Shame on You Pew Trust

Dear Linda:

re: Washington Post Article
[personal email address deleted]

As a financial analyst working in the investment business, I read parts of The Wall Street Journal, NYT, Washington Post and my local paper every day. And while I understand that this is not exactly usual, I am exceedingly disappointed at the profiles of the women voters you wrote of today and offended at the thought of women getting their news through their husbands. Are we really still so unsophisticated (although I’m sure they know all the wardrobes of the stars in People), or is this just a sample of women who do not work and stay at home? I cannot believe these stereotypes……you may have actually done many of us a grave disservice to suggest they are the norm. Why don’t you write about the women who don’t stay at home and their thinking and reading processes? I am watching Hillary carefully, and I think she has proven herself an excellent senator, very knowledgeable on the issues, a good mother, an unfathomable wife, and an exciting candidate. I don’t think the premise that women will elect her holds a drop of water. I think it totally depends on the general populace and how her positions on the war, health care, immigration, taxes etc., and her personal charisma resonate with them. She drew from a wide constituency when she ran for Senate, and as an Upstate New Yorker by birth, she ran surprisingly well in a part of New York that doesn’t normally embrace NYC liberals, much less liberal women. I have no idea at this point if Hillary will be my choice for President. But I can damn sure sort out the issues and come to an opinion myself.

Shame on you for making that article so one-sided.

Stephanie Haggerty
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A Little from Linda:

Dear Ms. Haggerty:

And shame on the political scientists and statisticians from The Center for Civic Education, the University of Michigan, the Pew Trusts, and Columbia University for their deeply researched, statistically validated studies of women's relative lack of political knowledge, lack of political interest, and unwillingness to read or watch violent or text-based material about political affairs. (Or did you not read my article in the Washington Post to the end?) I fear these scholars and experts have done you a disservice by researching the issue and then publishing their findings in books from the Yale University Press and papers presented, for example, to the American Political Science Association as recently as last year. I'm not sure what I added to the disservice -- publishing their findings? Are you suggesting that the work should be censored, since not a single study turned up the opposite conclusions?

Although your autobiographical information is reassuring on the subject of your capacity for politics, I doubt you would base your professional career as an investment advisor on looking in the mirror rather than facing the actual data scientifically gathered and reported by experts over a decade. You may be right that Hillary Clinton's campaign will not rest, as her advisors Carville and Penn assert, on women's decision-making. But your tactic of offering your personal story and seeming ignorance of 50% of my argument does not immediately strike me as effective advocacy for your point of view.

L.
ps
Please don't write to tell me you don't like my tone of voice. That is, to paraphrase Rebecca West, what everyone always says when I say something to distinguish myself from a door mat, and would sit ill in the mouth of someone who writes to tell me there's "shame" on me.

September 09, 2006

Feeling Like an Outcast

Dear Linda,
I haven't read your book yet, but I did read the "Homeward Bound" essay, and it scares me. People my age don't care about politics, don't care about what our parents and grandparents fought for. I'm 24, and recently got my first worthy (well-paying) job. My degree is in computer science, and I'm currently working at Microsoft, programming and earning very nice money for a BS. I know I'm very smart, and I will be worth even more soon I'm sure.

I want to read your book soon. My mother went back to work and earned her BA in accounting once my younger brother hit 13, which amazes me. I know how hard it was for her now, seeing all of the wives of my friends at work. I have yet to meet a husband of a friend at work.

I don't plan on stopping working for longer than parental leave until I have enough money to retire TOGETHER with whomever I happen to be with. Currently I have a boyfriend of 4 years that I live with and who does the grocery shopping, dishes, bedmaking, and toilet cleaning. The apartment we have isn't very big, so I vaccuum, cook, and clean the tub. Occasionally.

I think that the gist of what I'm hearing here is totally right. If a woman is truly making a choice, whatever. But I am certain that most women don't make their own choice. They let someone else do it for them.

I know that every day I feel pressure on myself as a 1 in 10 female. It's really hard to not be in the female half of the "significant others" club. A wife of a coworker didn't come to a group event (all were invited) because there weren't non-geeks there, but I think it was because she thought there weren't going to be women there. Because of my major (also 1 in 10) and working here, I'm just one of the guys, and not in a good way. No one likes being the only one. I would have stayed in my career anyway, but ever since I've been outnumbered, I've felt tremendous pressure to do so.

My question - how do I get over feeling like an outcast? I need some female company once in a while too! I don't want to hang out with 35+ year old women, although they will have valuable mentor advice for me. I don't want to hang out with the jobless women, because even if they are only jobless because of a visa situation, they aren't pure peers right now. Likewise, hanging out with the Admin Assistants wouldn't really work, although they are ALL (very nice) *women*. I have met one female close to my age at work, and am trying to meet others. Concentrating on excelling only goes so far when you crave a gaggle of gals to get crazy with. What to do?

Thanks
Frustrated Microsoftie
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A Little from Linda

Dear Frustrated,

You have identified a very important problem: when there are few women at work, they are not only scrutinized more than the men, they often experience very real emotional cost of isolation. My recommendation is to find the local chapter of women in science and computing and reach outside your company for female companionship.
Such professional organizations exist in almost every town of any size and are a great way to network as well as for the support of others in similar positions. Your college alumnae association may offer other options.
and . . . consider the value of us thirty plus women. Someday soon you may be one too.
L

September 04, 2006

Is Woman a Political Animal?

Dear Linda,

Question: So, here's a question for you. I'm a happily childless, cheerfully unmarried, professional woman, approaching 40, who's done pretty well for herself. I loved your book, and fundamentally agree with what you argue. But I'm struggling with a somewhat different dilemma. I'm bored. I've reached a senior level in my (male-dominated) field while still comparatively young, and if I stay in that field, my choice is either to keep doing what I'm doing for decades to come (which many do) or shift to management (which many others do). Neither appeals to me. Instead, I'm thinking that I want a total career shift. But I worry that if I leave, I will damage the opportunities and outlook for younger women in my field who, with me gone, will see one less woman near the top. And I do feel a responsibility to them. What do you think?
Local Yokel
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A Little from Linda

Dear Local,

I do not understand why you chose field that did not engage your capacities for the length of your career. Since you do not reveal the field or the aspirational whole career change, it's hard for me to answer well. I will say that many engineers and journalists I know have faced the conflict between their love of craft and the inevitable wicking up into management.
In my opinion, management is the better choice. Unless you're going to invent Velcro or reveal the government's wiretapping program, there's a limit to the flourishing life that can be derived for example for engineers or journalists from doing the same thing over and over again as you describe it. Anyway, man is a political animal, as Aristotle says, so it's natural that the most remunerative positions in a corporate society would involve managing other human beings. Why not take management training and see if you like it?
L